So for the past hour, I have been pacing my house, my mind racing with thoughts, memories, my heart aching a bit...and felt I needed to write it out. In 2 days, it will be 9 years since my younger brother passed away. So for a couple of brief moments, I will be emotional, maybe a bit selfish.
Do I feel robbed? Well, I would be lying if I said no. I do! I feel my siblings were, my husband and brother in law were (who never got to meet him), my nephew, my nieces, my own little monkey, my parents, most of all...his son. Robbed of years of knowing him, laughing at him and with him. There are days, though they are fewer and far between, where I find it a little hard to take a deep breath when I think of him. Today is one of those days.
My brother was awesome! He was funny beyond belief. I miss that laugh! He LOVED his nieces and nephews. I miss seeing that interaction! He was generous, protective, funny, smart, talented, did I mention funny?? We grew up close, 17 months apart. There are days where I panic and think that I've forgotten his laugh...then it comes back to me, and I smile. Everyone should be so lucky to have known someone like him in their lifetime...I was not only lucky, but honored to not only have KNOWN him, but be his big sister.
In saying all of this, I hope that it doesn't come across as angry or bitter...nothing could be further from the truth. Although there were times, I admit. To say that I am where I am today, that I live the life that I do, to have the things that I have, the family that I have, I attribute a large part to him, to knowing him. I am so blessed! To have what I have...and to have had 28 years with him, to know him, to love him.
I am at peace knowing that I have, that we all have him as our guardian angel. To watch over, to protect, to guide us. He's definately had his work cut out for him...good thing he was never afraid of working hard! I love and miss you my dear sweet brother!
Jai guru deva. Om.
Do I feel robbed? Well, I would be lying if I said no. I do! I feel my siblings were, my husband and brother in law were (who never got to meet him), my nephew, my nieces, my own little monkey, my parents, most of all...his son. Robbed of years of knowing him, laughing at him and with him. There are days, though they are fewer and far between, where I find it a little hard to take a deep breath when I think of him. Today is one of those days.
My brother was awesome! He was funny beyond belief. I miss that laugh! He LOVED his nieces and nephews. I miss seeing that interaction! He was generous, protective, funny, smart, talented, did I mention funny?? We grew up close, 17 months apart. There are days where I panic and think that I've forgotten his laugh...then it comes back to me, and I smile. Everyone should be so lucky to have known someone like him in their lifetime...I was not only lucky, but honored to not only have KNOWN him, but be his big sister.
In saying all of this, I hope that it doesn't come across as angry or bitter...nothing could be further from the truth. Although there were times, I admit. To say that I am where I am today, that I live the life that I do, to have the things that I have, the family that I have, I attribute a large part to him, to knowing him. I am so blessed! To have what I have...and to have had 28 years with him, to know him, to love him.
I am at peace knowing that I have, that we all have him as our guardian angel. To watch over, to protect, to guide us. He's definately had his work cut out for him...good thing he was never afraid of working hard! I love and miss you my dear sweet brother!
Jai guru deva. Om.
